Last week was brutal for reasons I don’t need to go into here. Though it beat me, severely, I didn’t let it break me. Several times, I found myself thinking “There are people in the world with much bigger problems than yours. There are cities full of people losing everything. How dare you sit around feeling bad for yourself?”
Yet, I still felt terrible about the situation I found myself in. Guilty and wrong for feeling that way, but I couldn’t shake it.
A few nights back, completely by chance, I came across this recording of a Stephen Kellogg show from 2008 where he gave an impassioned speech about anger (it’s about 4:40 into Milwaukee).
He spoke about reading that Jennifer Hudson’s family had just been murdered, and for that reason, he didn’t feel that he had the right to be pissed off about anything that happened at his show. Yet, he still was. He felt guilty for blowing what he perceived as little things out of proportion when there are much bigger things happening every day. But there was this group of women being exceptionally disrespectful, and they had made one of the other acts cry. For that reason, he felt the need to speak out, even though he didn’t feel he had the right. He felt it and he said it because owning your thoughts and airing them to the people who need to hear them, or someone who is willing to listen, is sometimes the only way to get past them.
I had a few bad days this past week and I’m willing to admit that I was upset and despondent for quite a while. To be honest, I’m not alright yet but I am getting there.
Admitting that, even to myself, is freeing.
I feel horrible for all of the people affected by these hurricanes, and for anyone at risk of being deported due to no fault of their own. However, that does not supersede the right to feel the way I do about my life not going even remotely as planned.
In all likelihood, there will always be someone who gets a shorter end of the stick than you. That does not discount your feelings about your own life experiences. No matter what’s going on in the world, it is absolutely fine to have any emotions you are currently for whatever reason you’re having them. It will never do anyone any good to pile guilt on top of disappointment and pain. Emotions are healthy, every one of them, and shutting them down for any reason will not end well.
Feel what you feel, speak what you mean, and live your life regardless of what’s happening anywhere else. You have every right to.
If you need to air something right now, but don’t want to be judged, drop it in my contact form. I’ll listen anytime.
Ode to Mnemosyne's Symphony 